You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
