weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
