porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
