I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
its liver damage thursday
Randomize