cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
