Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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