Sober January is a disaster.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
