plz talk dirty to me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
