bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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