you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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