Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
