P.S. I can't hear my feet
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
