I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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