kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
