i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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