We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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