Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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