walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
