the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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