so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
