He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
