my mouth tastes like poor choices
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
whose parrot is this?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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