guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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