And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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