If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
