i was born a porn star she said
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
