so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
