You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
