Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
