I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
