did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
