It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
