margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
