I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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