pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
