well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
