My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
