i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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