You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
