just tell him i said nine months
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
