i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
