her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
