i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
