I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
