How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
