I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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