As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
