Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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