So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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