I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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