im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
