As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
